this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
