You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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