I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
