I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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