what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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