Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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