didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
