Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
