My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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