Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
