I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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