There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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