Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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