and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
