he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize