Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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