SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
