Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
