That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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