Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
