Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
