you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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