well I can't set my house on fire every night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As shirtless as possible
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
