My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
