She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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