Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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