Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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