If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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