im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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