She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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