***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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