Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
