How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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