Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
