A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
