Sry I called you an 8
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
