I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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