I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
