At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
