There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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