Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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