First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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