You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
