he puts the penis in happiness.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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