She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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