I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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