you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
