we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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