I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hippo gnu deer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
