She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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