I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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