I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
