My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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