Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
