So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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