By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
