i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
