note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
