I seem to have left my pride at pride
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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