Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
