I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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