but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
