she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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