He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
