I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
