meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
