We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
