Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
