I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
