You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
