Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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