Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
