when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
