I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
