Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
