im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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