Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
